Okay so I have tried online dating for a few years with no success. I have only had one date which came from match.com an the rest nothing. I have paid for eharmony, match, OkCupid, POF an a bunch more little known sites. Still no dice, my profile was honest an written by myself completely filled out. I’ve done the tests an piled pictures on my profiles. I took my time to read the profiles an sent genuine answers to them an received no replies. So what am I doing wrong? I often say if they would just give me a chance, but it seems that I can’t seem to get that. So one day I happened across a site that gave me a guaranteed line to get responses. So I typed it in an sure enough! every woman I sent it to responded! I was baffled that a line that made absolutely no sense an applied to nothing on the profile could be successful. I tried this line on even the hottest ones that never reply an it also worked on them. SO are online dating women really that naive? That I can send a one liner to 100 women an get a reply without even looking at the profile? If I read an take the time to write a good well thought out letter I strike out? This is why I stopped online dating. It proved to me that it wasn’t me it’s the women out there. So tell me if this isn’t true then what catches your attention? What do you like to read or see on a profile? What gets you to respond to a note?
Lets get this straight….
You fell in love with someone who didn’t love you back. How did you expect that to end?
You chased the man or woman who wasn’t interested in you, now you you wonder why they left you. How do people expect these plotlines to end? Maybe they will see you for who you are an fall for you. Maybe they will be so taken with you persistance that they will confess their undying love for you. Maybe they will see you as you really are.. A human following human nature to get what looks impossible to get.
You see them as a prize, they see you as a predator.. scary huh? Yep that what it looks like a lion chasing a meer cat down an ripping it into shreds. We tend to be blind to reality, but maybe we are looking to defy it. Maybe we think that we will be the exception that movies are written about. The supervillan that somehow survives the onslaught.
True when you go for the impossible it almost seems worth it. Without great risk comes no reward right? Does that count when you dealing with courting? Maybe there should be a disclaimer on some of the quotes out there.
If at first you don’t succeed try try again.. that’s called stalking
Don’t stop pushing till you get what you want.. that’s called rape
Let’s just take a look at how life an dating are different. In a world where not trying is the same as failing an trying to hard lands you in jail. Maybe we should take it slow.. Just saying
I want to be honest with you, I am kind of seeing someone right now.
4 days before…..
I’m not really looking for anything serious..
This is the end game of the experiment. A two months ago I set out to prove a theory that I had, that all women are programed to lie. The experiment ended on the first sentence. I chose 3 diverse women to test my theory, I will break down my interaction an how I came to my conclusion. I decided to do this because women like to tell me I am trying the wrong women. I went over an beyond my normal standards for this one.
Type: Wild child, party animal, Artist
Perks: Lots of sex, funny, fun,
Flaws: Needy, Can’t handle drinking, Clingy,
This woman was by farrr the most honest of the one I’d met, until that is I realized she was using me as a sex toy. I was okay with this until she started comparing me to her EX. She was reluctant to acknowledge this but it came out in time. Could I ever do more than have sex with her? No, she is wayyy to wild an messed up to settle with. I did find her to be a sweet relief from the mind games the others play.
Type: Middle of the road, vegan, English major
Perks: Smart! cute! Morals! Mature!
Cons: Tom boy complex
I thought she would be the one to disprove my theory, but when asked out she agreed but blew me off. Not once but 3 times! I found this funny because she constantly told me she liked me. What secret is she hiding, I don’t know. I do know that blowing me off after agreeing is never a good thing. If she had atleast gave me some reason that I could use to justify her actions then this mission would have been a failure. Sadly that was not so.
Type: Good Girl, Quiet, Nurse
Pros: Smart,cute, good wife material
Cons: Stubborn, cocky
This was the one I bet the most on, but behind ever pretty smile is a dark secret. The opening statement to this post are her exact words to me. She was indeed a hard nut to crack, after blowing me off once for a date I almost gave up. I had to find out why she was lying to me an I did. She was scared to reject me by just saying no, so she went to the age old book of lies. Maybe it could have worked, but a lie is a lie an that my friends is a deal breaker.
So in conclusion no matter the type, it’s the same games… So what must I do play along stay tuned as I chapter out my adventures in using the game to increase my dating chances!
You open your heart to the world, you pour out your soul in your blog. You hope someone sees it an perhaps has the answer, maybe a bit of reassurance. Hours go by an not one comment! Maybe a like an only 11 views. You know people are reading but what can you do to get them to comment? You try an encourage them by asking a question at the end. You state an opinion an request feed back, but still no dice. I have found that the best way to get comments is to say something outrageous, something unbelievable. Something that makes readers look back and an say what in the hell? You must say something that bothers people convictions an calls their morals into question. While sure this maybe hard to do, but if you writing is direct or offensive someone will comment. Some soul will make their opinion known. So I say this go out there! Write about how you love abortion, write about how all men are dogs an people will respond. Likes are over rated, comments is where the fun interaction is!
A list of changes in my life that I made to get to the place of no depression fits. Self acceptance an dealing with women. An what helped me an how it did.
1. Purchased 30 days of the Game book… This taught me self confidence an reinforced it with missions/ exercises. It taught me not to hate women, but to embrace them an understand how they see me.
2. Blocked all my female friends news updates on facebook… This was one of the best things I did. I was suddenly less angry an irritable from reading about their constant love life. SO logging into my facebook became a pleasure an I could read their wall when I chose to.
3. Changed my style…. I went from wearing traditional clothing to something that was out of my norm.. Clothes that flattered my body an was stylish. This helped change my thinking an confidence level. I walked with more confidence because somehow I felt better.
3. Cut myself out of all female friend zones… This was a very important step. I felt free from judging female friends relationships an worrying about how they was being treated. It also took away the crutch that I was using to say that I still had a chance with them. At this point I was starting to get to new levels of happiness in my life. I was satisfied an less stressed from dancing at their whim.
4. Let go…. Stopped chasing women an just made my intention clear an backed away. No more over thinking it, acting more like a man than a love hungry woman. I view myself as the prize now an the world won’t change for me, but I can change the world within me.
5. Took a chance.. Started going out on a branch, asking women out or acknowledging their approach. Had sex for the first time since I turned 20. Stopped doing things for others an worked for myself.
6. Listened to what women are saying about men.. This taught me a lot about how they think. I understood all the ways they could reject a man without actually saying it out right. I also learned that they are firm believers in having multiple dating interests at a time, well some of them don’t but most do. I adopted that belief an found it much easier an I didn’t come on as hard as normal which didn’t scare the women away… WINNING
These are the steps I took an now I have 3 dates planned an a friend with benefits. Am I bragging? no I am just saying that after a 5 year drought in sex an relationships I am finally seeing some success. It took a major over haul to my thinking an embracing the things I didn’t want to believe. My next step is to make steps that will change my career progression an other passions that seem to be fizzling out.
Thank you for reading an tell me what you think about this, an if you have any suggestions.
Chase or be chased that is the question. For years I have been taught, read, an told that you must chase a woman if you want her. I have found that this wrong in a lot of instances. I have attempted to chase women only for them to run away. Typically if a woman is running, it’s best to leave her be. So what is to be done? Get her to chase you! Yes, turn the tables and things get a bit more interesting. A woman chasing you tends to know what she wants. The same fear that runs through veins when you try an close the deal is now running through hers. She is more willing to take chances, an speed things up. I speak from experience, when getting chased by a woman you know your options. You don’t have to worry about her losing interest in you, which is common when you are the one chasing. Be the ball rubbed with cat-nip that hangs just out of her reach. Drive her crazy, make her think about her every move. It will feel weird, but in the end you will feel like the prize and value yourself even more.
This will be a quicky. Over the last month I have been interested in four women at the same time, which is new to me. Over the last few day things have taken a massive turn. One of the ladies is a single mom who was hurt in a relationship an told me I would make a perfect boyfriend. I told her that she could do much better than me, but that hasn’t stopped her pursuit. The other young lady I met on a film set an we talked off an on, she agreed to go with me to a movie on May 4th so I am fairly content there. The next is a sexual monster! She just got out of an relationship an wants to use me as her rebound. (which I am fine with) I have to admitted I am intimidated by the amount of aggression that shows in getting me into her bed. Lastly is the sweet girl at work, the one that smile an freezes my life an causes my heart to race. I have approached her a few times and get no rejection or acceptance. SO she has become my challenge, an now I find myself guilty of the very thing I accuse women of. Going after the hard points is exciting, when you have women throwing themselves at you, but on the inside your a nice guy it makes some interesting internal battles.
The smile that makes my heart jump, the eyes that read my soul. The thoughts that invades my dreams an mind on a daily basis. She says I crack her up, she says she enjoys messing with me. She can call my bluffs with just a slight glance. Shes fun, playful, intelligent, mysterious, an single. While all signs point to me being into her. I woke up this morning an I suddenly realize this all seems so familiar! It’s like a replay, the girl that I couldn’t best when joking around. Her ability to get under my skin, an read my face with a mere glance. I also thought about her everyday, she also made her way into my dreams frequently. So what happened, is this a bad sign or good sign? Well I also asked that young lady out in which she agreed but then blew me off. She also used me when she could, disarming my attempts to resist easily. Turns out I later found out she had a boyfriend, but she had gotten the A for the class she needed from me. I didn’t blame her, I blamed myself. I have no idea where this new one is headed. Am I just fun for her? Someone to toy with to make her day go by faster. I don’t know, I do care however, wasting energy on someone who will not return it to me is a waste. I will see, I will know there will be no friend zone for this guy.
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.
A Recovering Nice Guy
I did not write this.. It was taken from a best of craiglist post.