Foreign Connection

There I sat on the hostel chair checking my facebook updates an relaxing before my next adventure. I had just descended Mt Fuji an my body was on the mend. “Is that a cat making that noise”? the girl across from me asked, Lol I don’t know but its highly ignoring I replied, still zoned out on my mobile.

   I soon became bored an decided to engage the stranger across from me. I started by checking her out a bit, she was ruffled from the hostel life. Her hair was down an a little on the unkept side, but more stylish than just plain unkept. It fell over her face doen past her shoulders. She had pretty eyes an petite features, so I judged her as average. 

    “So why are you in Japan?” I asked. “I’m going to climb Mount Fuji tomorrow” she replied. After that moment we chatted an laughed about our adventures in Japan so far. So we both decided to go grab dinner at the local Japanese restaurant. Neither one of us spoke Japanese, but we were travelers an had overcome language barriers long ago . We laugh an discussed the different foods we had tasted while there, our experiences with the native people.

Soon the conversation shifted to our past, future an just other thoughts we were having. As she spoke I sense a certain familiarity with her,  as a girl from boston she had been to all the same states an places I had been to. It was like hearing myself speaking from across the table. How could someone so like myself have crossed my path? How cruel yet beautiful is life to cross our paths together. I didn’t know it at the time as our eye contact increased an our smiles became wider that I was forming something, something that is beautiful an a curse in itself.

  We moved on from the restaurant, to the supermarket where we did some shopping for her mountain hike the next day. We continued to chat about ourselves an how she was moving on to business school in another state. “I know what you need, some peanut butter” I stated. “Oh my God I always take peanut butter on hikes” she exclaimed. Long story short, we found the peanut butter, I tasted octopus for the first time with her an we walked home together in the rain. 

  Back at the hostel we went our separate ways as she had to hike in the morning. The next morning she was nowhere to be seen, so I spent the day with a french guy I had met that night. She eventually came home where she said she had made it to the top an soon after went to bed. I didn’t see her again that day or the next.

  I sat at the bus stop on my way back to Tokyo, I had just traded my tickets in for a earlier bus hoping to get a chance to spend time in Akiba before I got on the plane home. When I heard a familiar voice, “Hey I didn’t know you was heading back today” she stated. Here she was again randomly taking the same path as me. Once again we chatted an spoke about backers life. The bus came she got on an I made my way to the back. As the bus rode along I sat in my seat thinking maybe I should give her my number. Maybe this is meant to be, as I thought these thoughts she turned around smiled an waved at me. I made up my mind that I would indeed give her my number also I would give her my handy travel book with Tokyo maps an Japanese language helpers. I wrote the number in the back of the book an went to sleep.

  We arrived in Shibuya Tokyo an got off the bus, we talked for a bit an then it hit me. For some reason I wouldn’t give her my number. For some reason this would be it, we would go our separate ways in the world. She would head to the Philippines an me back to Arizona. This was the way it was meant to be. This would be the magic in my life, that knowing that someone out there was like me. “So this is the goodbye then?” she asked “yes,”I said sadly. We hugged…. 

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Journey Sacrifice & Change

A list of changes in my life that I made to get to the place of no depression fits. Self acceptance an dealing with women. An what helped me an how it did.

1. Purchased 30 days of the Game book… This taught me self confidence an reinforced it with missions/ exercises. It taught me not to hate women, but to embrace them an understand how they see me.

2. Blocked all my female friends news updates on facebook… This was one of the best things I did. I was suddenly less angry an irritable from reading about their constant love life. SO logging into my facebook became a pleasure an I could read their wall when I chose to.

3. Changed my style…. I went from wearing traditional clothing to something that was out of my norm.. Clothes that flattered my body an was stylish. This helped change my thinking an confidence level. I walked with more confidence because somehow I felt better.

3. Cut myself out of all female friend zones… This was a very important step. I felt free from judging female friends relationships an worrying about how they was being treated. It also took away the crutch that  I was using to say that I still had a chance with them.  At this point I was starting to get to new levels of happiness in my life. I was satisfied an less stressed from dancing at their whim.

4. Let go…. Stopped chasing women an just made my intention clear an backed away. No more over thinking it, acting more like a man than a love hungry woman. I view myself as the prize now an the world won’t change for me, but I can change the world within me.

5. Took a chance.. Started going out on a branch, asking women out or acknowledging their approach. Had sex for the first time since I turned 20. Stopped doing things for others an worked for myself.

6. Listened to what women are saying about men.. This taught me a lot about how they think. I understood all the ways they could reject a man without actually saying it out right. I also learned that they are firm believers in having multiple dating interests at a time, well some of them don’t but most do. I adopted that belief an found it much easier an I didn’t come on as hard as normal which didn’t scare the women away… WINNING

These are the steps I took an now I have 3 dates planned an a friend with benefits. Am I bragging? no I am just saying that after a 5 year drought in sex an relationships I am finally seeing some success. It took a major over haul to my thinking an embracing the things I didn’t want to believe. My next step is to make steps that will change my career  progression an other passions that seem to be fizzling out.

Thank you for reading an tell me what you think about this, an if you have any suggestions.

Love

We stood hand an hand eyes locked in a loving embrace. A cold wind stings my cheek as I stare down into her icy blue eyes. I gently smile as the calming sounds of the night brace us. I can see my hopes an dreams, my love an passion in her soul. Her eyes search deep into the depths of my mind. I feel a flutter in my heart an she shivers slightly from the cold. I slowly raise my hand to feel the softness of her cheeks. As my hand touch her face, her soft peach like skin begins to harden an slowly blacken before my eyes. Her gaze never leaves me, the flutter in my heart starts to burn. Her faces continues to melt away an her body dissolves to ash. The cold wind howls in an wisps her away. As the last of her floats away a smile forms on her lips. I am left staring at what I thought to be my only desire in this world. I hear a laugh from deep within my soul, an the same laugh floats on the wind. I hear a voice riding low upon the wind it speaks.. Love is an illusion, impossible to touch an even harder to feel, when u think you found it an have in ur grasp, its only for a moment because it soon will disappear….