1 percent and me

Dear Mr. Bill I don’t care what you think of my film, I don’t care that you took screen writing 4 times. I do however care that your in my class. Why do I care you ask? First off I spent about 6 grand to be able to take this class an you: well you got in free. I care because I had to drag my butt all the way to middle east to fight a war on terror, to get benefits in order to take this class. You got in free, hell you took screen writing four, 4 times for free! I had to go hungry for a few days to produce my film an make due with a bare minimal crew. You got a crew full of professionals an even our teacher showed up to work on your shoot. I spent hours at night editing my piece, while you just passed yours on to someone else to do. Am I jealous of your money or influence? No, not really am I angry that you are getting a free ride because you married the dean of my school? YES! very angry, I am aware that world is not fair, an you have to struggle to make it if your not so lucky. I will however take the time to vent on my blog about this foolishness. Now I will head off to my minimal wage job to try an make ends met. While you browse over next years classes an decide on which one you will take for free. God Bless The Rich oops I mean America…

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Journey Sacrifice & Change

A list of changes in my life that I made to get to the place of no depression fits. Self acceptance an dealing with women. An what helped me an how it did.

1. Purchased 30 days of the Game book… This taught me self confidence an reinforced it with missions/ exercises. It taught me not to hate women, but to embrace them an understand how they see me.

2. Blocked all my female friends news updates on facebook… This was one of the best things I did. I was suddenly less angry an irritable from reading about their constant love life. SO logging into my facebook became a pleasure an I could read their wall when I chose to.

3. Changed my style…. I went from wearing traditional clothing to something that was out of my norm.. Clothes that flattered my body an was stylish. This helped change my thinking an confidence level. I walked with more confidence because somehow I felt better.

3. Cut myself out of all female friend zones… This was a very important step. I felt free from judging female friends relationships an worrying about how they was being treated. It also took away the crutch that  I was using to say that I still had a chance with them.  At this point I was starting to get to new levels of happiness in my life. I was satisfied an less stressed from dancing at their whim.

4. Let go…. Stopped chasing women an just made my intention clear an backed away. No more over thinking it, acting more like a man than a love hungry woman. I view myself as the prize now an the world won’t change for me, but I can change the world within me.

5. Took a chance.. Started going out on a branch, asking women out or acknowledging their approach. Had sex for the first time since I turned 20. Stopped doing things for others an worked for myself.

6. Listened to what women are saying about men.. This taught me a lot about how they think. I understood all the ways they could reject a man without actually saying it out right. I also learned that they are firm believers in having multiple dating interests at a time, well some of them don’t but most do. I adopted that belief an found it much easier an I didn’t come on as hard as normal which didn’t scare the women away… WINNING

These are the steps I took an now I have 3 dates planned an a friend with benefits. Am I bragging? no I am just saying that after a 5 year drought in sex an relationships I am finally seeing some success. It took a major over haul to my thinking an embracing the things I didn’t want to believe. My next step is to make steps that will change my career  progression an other passions that seem to be fizzling out.

Thank you for reading an tell me what you think about this, an if you have any suggestions.

The Chase

Chase or be chased that is the question. For years I have been taught, read, an told that you must chase a woman if you want her. I have found that this wrong in a lot of instances. I have attempted to chase women only for them to run away. Typically if a woman is running, it’s best to leave her be. So what is to be done? Get her to chase you! Yes, turn the tables and things get a bit more interesting. A woman chasing you tends to know what she wants. The same fear that runs through veins when you try an close the deal is now running through hers. She is more willing to take chances, an speed things up. I speak from experience, when getting chased by a woman you know your options. You don’t have to worry about her losing interest in you, which is common when you are the one chasing. Be the ball rubbed with cat-nip that hangs just out of her reach. Drive her crazy, make her think about her every move. It will feel weird, but in the end you will feel like the prize and value yourself even more.

Jaded Much?

What are our opinions derived from? I always said if you bring emotions to a debate you have already lost. We must strive to see both sides of a situation to better our argument. After doing some blog reading I kept coming across some opinions on things that were extremely jaded. Some made no sense at all. I was this person, ranting away about the things that happen or make no sense. I realized that the more I ranted I seemed to come full circle an realize that the problem was within me. That my communication was bad, or it didn’t work because I didn’t read the signs. The more I blogged the more my attitude changed. When I thought out my rants they turned from mindless rants to a quest for knowledge. I slowly became aware of the other side of my problem. I began reading female blogs an this also began to open my eyes, an I strove to present to them a mans view of the situation.  I can now see the pain an devastation we, both sexes are bringing down on each others heads. So when you rant think an ask the questions that you have an see them from both sides. I assure you, acting off what is in your head is almost never sound judgement.

Familar Signs

The smile that makes my heart jump, the eyes that read my soul. The thoughts that invades my dreams an mind on a daily basis. She says I crack her up, she says she enjoys messing with me. She can call my bluffs with just a slight glance. Shes fun, playful, intelligent, mysterious, an single. While all signs point to me being into her. I woke up this morning an I suddenly realize this all seems so familiar! It’s like a replay, the girl that I couldn’t best when joking around. Her ability to get under my skin, an read my face with a mere glance. I also thought about her everyday, she also made her way into my dreams frequently. So what happened, is this a bad sign or good sign? Well I also asked that young lady out in which she agreed but then blew me off. She also used me when she could, disarming my attempts to resist easily. Turns out I later found out she had a boyfriend, but she had gotten the A for the class she needed from me. I didn’t blame her, I blamed myself. I have no idea where this new one is headed. Am I just fun for her? Someone to toy with to make her day go by faster. I don’t know, I do care however, wasting energy on someone who will not return it to me is a waste. I will see, I will know there will be no friend zone for this guy.

Lessons learned

Long gone are the days when me an my best friend would dress up as Grant an Lee for class reports.. When we would hang out an play together an dreamed of being war heroes. Our youth tore from us by this ugliness of racism that GROWN people taught us. It was amazing those times when I liked a white girl an didn’t think that my skin color was a problem for us. I have in remembrance of those days I have relinquished the title African American an will only identify myself as an American an human.

Death of Prejudice

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
Mark Twain

Game Changer

Five days after my fail attempt to ask her out, I decided not to worry anymore. I walked up to her an asked her if she wanted my information IE phone number an stuff and she said sure. She gave me a piece of paper an I wrote it all down and walked away. I was sick an tired of wondering if I have a shot, if she was into me. SO I put the ball firmly in her court, if she decides to woman up an call me then fine, if she doesn’t that is also fine. No more worrying an trying to read the signs for me. Casting my fishing line into deeper waters while I wait for a bite from her.

The Moment

These are the moments I knew that I was different.

When I convinced my middle school teacher to buy me a gigapet for Christmas

When I won Accelerated Reader and Presidential physical fitness award in the same year.

When in detention in the back of an honors class I raised my hand when none of the honor students knew the answer.

When I was asked for candy during class I decided to start a business by selling candy.

When me an my best friend Dressed as General Grant an he as General Lee for our Civil War presentation.

When I was removed from remediation class an put in all honor classes.

When I found out that my parents was coming to see my teacher in a few weeks an churned out 20 poems on which all I got A on.

When I sat on the plane as I was getting shot at an felt no fear.

These are some of the moments in my life which made me realize I was different.

What makes you different?