I created this small work in honor of the kids that left a massive hole in our world..
I created this small work in honor of the kids that left a massive hole in our world..
Okay so I have tried online dating for a few years with no success. I have only had one date which came from match.com an the rest nothing. I have paid for eharmony, match, OkCupid, POF an a bunch more little known sites. Still no dice, my profile was honest an written by myself completely filled out. I’ve done the tests an piled pictures on my profiles. I took my time to read the profiles an sent genuine answers to them an received no replies. So what am I doing wrong? I often say if they would just give me a chance, but it seems that I can’t seem to get that. So one day I happened across a site that gave me a guaranteed line to get responses. So I typed it in an sure enough! every woman I sent it to responded! I was baffled that a line that made absolutely no sense an applied to nothing on the profile could be successful. I tried this line on even the hottest ones that never reply an it also worked on them. SO are online dating women really that naive? That I can send a one liner to 100 women an get a reply without even looking at the profile? If I read an take the time to write a good well thought out letter I strike out? This is why I stopped online dating. It proved to me that it wasn’t me it’s the women out there. So tell me if this isn’t true then what catches your attention? What do you like to read or see on a profile? What gets you to respond to a note?
Answer you notes, messages an winks! There is nothing worst than someone having a full mailbox after you took the time to write out a long thoughtful note.
Why is it that I can’t have just a good conversation with a woman without it looking like I want more? I am the type of guy who loves to chat, I look for maturity in these conversations. I look for a passion or desire for knowledge in her. In order to get to this conversation I must ask her out.
I must learn to just let go, while looks attract me its the brain that drives me crazy. When she gives an excuse I should just move on. I waste to much time an energy on lost causes. Every time my energy goes into the wrong person I slip a tad more into depression. However this will not stop me. I will move on faster an see the signs clearer.
Can’t we just talk over coffee or a lunch? Can’t you just let me learn about you? Why are there so many games? Why so many steps? Well I brought this on myself, should have just let go.
This will be a quicky. Over the last month I have been interested in four women at the same time, which is new to me. Over the last few day things have taken a massive turn. One of the ladies is a single mom who was hurt in a relationship an told me I would make a perfect boyfriend. I told her that she could do much better than me, but that hasn’t stopped her pursuit. The other young lady I met on a film set an we talked off an on, she agreed to go with me to a movie on May 4th so I am fairly content there. The next is a sexual monster! She just got out of an relationship an wants to use me as her rebound. (which I am fine with) I have to admitted I am intimidated by the amount of aggression that shows in getting me into her bed. Lastly is the sweet girl at work, the one that smile an freezes my life an causes my heart to race. I have approached her a few times and get no rejection or acceptance. SO she has become my challenge, an now I find myself guilty of the very thing I accuse women of. Going after the hard points is exciting, when you have women throwing themselves at you, but on the inside your a nice guy it makes some interesting internal battles.
Long gone are the days when me an my best friend would dress up as Grant an Lee for class reports.. When we would hang out an play together an dreamed of being war heroes. Our youth tore from us by this ugliness of racism that GROWN people taught us. It was amazing those times when I liked a white girl an didn’t think that my skin color was a problem for us. I have in remembrance of those days I have relinquished the title African American an will only identify myself as an American an human.
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.
A Recovering Nice Guy
I did not write this.. It was taken from a best of craiglist post.
Hmm to cute to be real, hmm she looks normal maybe there’s a chance. This was my thought when I was into online dating. I patiently read through all the profiles that interested me an sent intelligent interesting messages to each one. Then waited patiently for a reply, few days go by an nothing so I figure maybe they haven’t been online. I take the time to upgrade my account to see if the person has read my message. Yep they read it I guess they wasn’t interested in me, so I moved on to check out more profiles. Oh this one looks good “Ready to try something new” is how the profile read. This one will surely be willing to at least reply, once again I was wrong. So I tried the match system, hmm wow we are a perfect match! Wait, she don’t date black guys, how is that not a deal breaker? I guess I should upload more pictures an pay to get a writer to fix my profile better. I tried this still nothing worked for me. I soon realized that this was going to be tough. I spent all night churning out letters to women, rating their profiles an answering dating questions on the site. Nothing happened, so after a few weeks I begin to question whether I was good looking enough, maybe this was the source of my problem. Every non reply was a small rejection in which I had no idea why. So there I sat in front of my computer discouraged at what had transpired of the last 6months of no replies. I decided to step away from online dating but I would leave up my profile for a year hoping that some one would like what they see an message me. This never happened once.
After a year I decided to try the new free online sites I had heard about, but had the same results. Being the geek that I am I turned to google. I googled to find how to be more successful in online dating and found a one liner guaranteed to get women to respond. I went online and tried the line copy pasted to as many profiles as I could. Within minutes I was getting replies more replies than I could respond too, so I tried to keep up. Then I realized that women were responding to something completely fake. This baffled me an I decided to just leave it alone an quit online dating all together.
Can I have your number? The bread an butter of a mans life or love life that is. It’s the one crucial thing that a man must learn to survive. It is a mans sole responsibility to ask this, these words launch a man into limbo an he falls into firmly into the open palm of the woman he asks. Will she clinch her fist an crush his hopes and dreams, or will she open his his world to thousands of possibilities.
As awkward as it is for a woman to be asked out, it’s much worst for the man who had to build up the courage to ask you out. So is it fair for a man to have to work up all that courage to ask you out an get shot down? Is it fair that a man is the expected to be the one to act first? What does it say about the man whom this comes naturally an isn’t phased by the rejection? Well the dating game is not fair, its leveled in the favor of women. Since they only need to sit back an accept or reject advances, like saying yes or no to a free meal. They don’t have to be out going an if they really want a certain man they can step up an ask the man out. Why do we as a society empower one gender over another? A mans drive to reproduce keeps the power in a woman’s hands. How do we fix this, well we can’t we as men can only evolve to be more cunning an courageous at asking women out.
One thing I have observed while reading blogs is that women always tend to have problems finding the right man, while going on multiple dates an even have up to two or three men in the Que at one time. While most men who blog are having problems getting one date, or has found themselves in the friend zone. The man is making a cry for help, while the woman is asking for help in choosing. Choosing is a luxury that most women have an that no man has. I read about how a women dating one man suddenly decides to choose another over the one she is dating. It’s a cut throat world in dating an its not for the faint of heart. How many men have you approached? How many messages on online dating have you sent? Because of the uncertainty of the situation dating has become a numbers game for men. Ask as many women as you can an maybe you will get lucky. The less you ask the less likely you will find one, so it becomes a move of desperation. Problem is women can sense it an will reject you based on that reading.
So what do we do as men? Nothing really, just keep putting yourself under the choppers block. At least that what my women friends used to tell me. I don’t think it will get easier an rejection is a way of life. We find ourselves driven by nature to hunt or starve. Happy hunting brothers!