Okay so I have tried online dating for a few years with no success. I have only had one date which came from match.com an the rest nothing. I have paid for eharmony, match, OkCupid, POF an a bunch more little known sites. Still no dice, my profile was honest an written by myself completely filled out. I’ve done the tests an piled pictures on my profiles. I took my time to read the profiles an sent genuine answers to them an received no replies. So what am I doing wrong? I often say if they would just give me a chance, but it seems that I can’t seem to get that. So one day I happened across a site that gave me a guaranteed line to get responses. So I typed it in an sure enough! every woman I sent it to responded! I was baffled that a line that made absolutely no sense an applied to nothing on the profile could be successful. I tried this line on even the hottest ones that never reply an it also worked on them. SO are online dating women really that naive? That I can send a one liner to 100 women an get a reply without even looking at the profile? If I read an take the time to write a good well thought out letter I strike out? This is why I stopped online dating. It proved to me that it wasn’t me it’s the women out there. So tell me if this isn’t true then what catches your attention? What do you like to read or see on a profile? What gets you to respond to a note?
Answer you notes, messages an winks! There is nothing worst than someone having a full mailbox after you took the time to write out a long thoughtful note.
Lets get this straight….
You fell in love with someone who didn’t love you back. How did you expect that to end?
You chased the man or woman who wasn’t interested in you, now you you wonder why they left you. How do people expect these plotlines to end? Maybe they will see you for who you are an fall for you. Maybe they will be so taken with you persistance that they will confess their undying love for you. Maybe they will see you as you really are.. A human following human nature to get what looks impossible to get.
You see them as a prize, they see you as a predator.. scary huh? Yep that what it looks like a lion chasing a meer cat down an ripping it into shreds. We tend to be blind to reality, but maybe we are looking to defy it. Maybe we think that we will be the exception that movies are written about. The supervillan that somehow survives the onslaught.
True when you go for the impossible it almost seems worth it. Without great risk comes no reward right? Does that count when you dealing with courting? Maybe there should be a disclaimer on some of the quotes out there.
If at first you don’t succeed try try again.. that’s called stalking
Don’t stop pushing till you get what you want.. that’s called rape
Let’s just take a look at how life an dating are different. In a world where not trying is the same as failing an trying to hard lands you in jail. Maybe we should take it slow.. Just saying
You open your heart to the world, you pour out your soul in your blog. You hope someone sees it an perhaps has the answer, maybe a bit of reassurance. Hours go by an not one comment! Maybe a like an only 11 views. You know people are reading but what can you do to get them to comment? You try an encourage them by asking a question at the end. You state an opinion an request feed back, but still no dice. I have found that the best way to get comments is to say something outrageous, something unbelievable. Something that makes readers look back and an say what in the hell? You must say something that bothers people convictions an calls their morals into question. While sure this maybe hard to do, but if you writing is direct or offensive someone will comment. Some soul will make their opinion known. So I say this go out there! Write about how you love abortion, write about how all men are dogs an people will respond. Likes are over rated, comments is where the fun interaction is!
Dear Mr. Bill I don’t care what you think of my film, I don’t care that you took screen writing 4 times. I do however care that your in my class. Why do I care you ask? First off I spent about 6 grand to be able to take this class an you: well you got in free. I care because I had to drag my butt all the way to middle east to fight a war on terror, to get benefits in order to take this class. You got in free, hell you took screen writing four, 4 times for free! I had to go hungry for a few days to produce my film an make due with a bare minimal crew. You got a crew full of professionals an even our teacher showed up to work on your shoot. I spent hours at night editing my piece, while you just passed yours on to someone else to do. Am I jealous of your money or influence? No, not really am I angry that you are getting a free ride because you married the dean of my school? YES! very angry, I am aware that world is not fair, an you have to struggle to make it if your not so lucky. I will however take the time to vent on my blog about this foolishness. Now I will head off to my minimal wage job to try an make ends met. While you browse over next years classes an decide on which one you will take for free. God Bless The Rich oops I mean America…
Chase or be chased that is the question. For years I have been taught, read, an told that you must chase a woman if you want her. I have found that this wrong in a lot of instances. I have attempted to chase women only for them to run away. Typically if a woman is running, it’s best to leave her be. So what is to be done? Get her to chase you! Yes, turn the tables and things get a bit more interesting. A woman chasing you tends to know what she wants. The same fear that runs through veins when you try an close the deal is now running through hers. She is more willing to take chances, an speed things up. I speak from experience, when getting chased by a woman you know your options. You don’t have to worry about her losing interest in you, which is common when you are the one chasing. Be the ball rubbed with cat-nip that hangs just out of her reach. Drive her crazy, make her think about her every move. It will feel weird, but in the end you will feel like the prize and value yourself even more.
This will be a quicky. Over the last month I have been interested in four women at the same time, which is new to me. Over the last few day things have taken a massive turn. One of the ladies is a single mom who was hurt in a relationship an told me I would make a perfect boyfriend. I told her that she could do much better than me, but that hasn’t stopped her pursuit. The other young lady I met on a film set an we talked off an on, she agreed to go with me to a movie on May 4th so I am fairly content there. The next is a sexual monster! She just got out of an relationship an wants to use me as her rebound. (which I am fine with) I have to admitted I am intimidated by the amount of aggression that shows in getting me into her bed. Lastly is the sweet girl at work, the one that smile an freezes my life an causes my heart to race. I have approached her a few times and get no rejection or acceptance. SO she has become my challenge, an now I find myself guilty of the very thing I accuse women of. Going after the hard points is exciting, when you have women throwing themselves at you, but on the inside your a nice guy it makes some interesting internal battles.
The smile that makes my heart jump, the eyes that read my soul. The thoughts that invades my dreams an mind on a daily basis. She says I crack her up, she says she enjoys messing with me. She can call my bluffs with just a slight glance. Shes fun, playful, intelligent, mysterious, an single. While all signs point to me being into her. I woke up this morning an I suddenly realize this all seems so familiar! It’s like a replay, the girl that I couldn’t best when joking around. Her ability to get under my skin, an read my face with a mere glance. I also thought about her everyday, she also made her way into my dreams frequently. So what happened, is this a bad sign or good sign? Well I also asked that young lady out in which she agreed but then blew me off. She also used me when she could, disarming my attempts to resist easily. Turns out I later found out she had a boyfriend, but she had gotten the A for the class she needed from me. I didn’t blame her, I blamed myself. I have no idea where this new one is headed. Am I just fun for her? Someone to toy with to make her day go by faster. I don’t know, I do care however, wasting energy on someone who will not return it to me is a waste. I will see, I will know there will be no friend zone for this guy.
Long gone are the days when me an my best friend would dress up as Grant an Lee for class reports.. When we would hang out an play together an dreamed of being war heroes. Our youth tore from us by this ugliness of racism that GROWN people taught us. It was amazing those times when I liked a white girl an didn’t think that my skin color was a problem for us. I have in remembrance of those days I have relinquished the title African American an will only identify myself as an American an human.
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.
A Recovering Nice Guy
I did not write this.. It was taken from a best of craiglist post.